Why It’s Okay to Feel Lost After Loss

“When someone you love is no longer there, it’s not just their absence you feel—it’s the loss of your direction, your routine, and sometimes, even your identity.” Grief doesn’t come with a manual. It arrives without warning, crashes into your life, and leaves everything feeling different. Suddenly, the world feels different, the air feels heavier, and you may look around and ask yourself, “Who am I now without them?” If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. And more importantly—you’re not broken. In Embracing Loss: A Guide to Living and Thriving Beyond Grief, Dr. Davis M. Byars Jr. and Dr. Arthur Ben Faust offer a strongly compassionate and realistic view of what grief really feels like. They don’t sugarcoat the pain. Instead, they walk alongside it, showing us that feeling lost isn’t something to be ashamed of—it’s something to be understood, honored, and gently worked through.

One of the most powerful messages in the book is that grief isn’t just about crying or missing someone. It’s about losing your anchor. Dr. Byars describes grief as something that “touches the very core of our being.” It shakes up not just our emotions, but also our thoughts, behaviors, and even our body. When someone close to you dies, the routines you once relied on—morning calls, shared dinners, weekend visits—disappear. Your days begin to feel like empty pages. Time may move on, but your heart is still standing in the moment everything changed. That’s why many people report feeling “foggy,” forgetful, or detached. You’re not going crazy. You’re grieving.

After a major loss, it’s common to question your role in the world. If you were a wife, husband, son, daughter, caregiver, best friend—who are you now? Embracing Loss highlights that this identity crisis is part of the process. Dr. Faust reminds us that “grief challenges your beliefs, your worldview, and your sense of self.” That inner confusion, as painful as it is, can also be the beginning of transformation. You are learning how to carry their memory forward, while slowly figuring out what your life looks like now. It’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay not to have the answers. In fact, it’s normal.

One of the hardest parts of grieving is watching the world continue around you while you feel stuck in place. People go to work, smile in photos, talk about plans for the weekend—while you struggle to get out of bed. This disconnection can feel isolating. But Embracing Loss reminds us that grief doesn’t run on a schedule. There’s no “right” time to feel okay again. Healing isn’t linear. Some days you’ll feel strong, and other days you’ll feel like you’ve taken ten steps backward. That’s not failure—it’s just grief doing what it does. The authors encourage readers to stop measuring their healing by someone else’s timeline. This is your journey. And it’s okay to take your time.

If grief is a reaction to love, then feeling lost is just proof of how greatly you cared. The emptiness you feel is not a weakness—it’s the space where love used to live in physical form. Dr. Byars and Dr. Faust write that “grief is not a sign of weakness—it is a sign of love.” Feeling disoriented after a loss shows how deeply that person shaped your life. It shows how connected you were. You’re not weak for feeling lost. You’re human.

One of the most helpful strategies outlined in Embracing Loss is naming what you’re feeling. Confusion. Fear. Numbness. Loneliness. Once you name it, you take a step toward owning it—and owning it helps you begin to work through it. The authors also stress the importance of expressing these emotions—through conversation, writing, prayer, or therapy. When we keep grief bottled up, it weighs us down. But when we let it out, piece by piece, we make space for healing to enter.

Although Embracing Loss never rushes the grieving process, it also offers hope. Hope that the fog will lift. That one day, you’ll laugh again without guilt. That you’ll find new meaning—not because you’ve “moved on,” but because you’ve learned to carry your grief in a way that feels lighter. Dr. Faust, with years of chaplaincy experience, shares real-life examples of people who felt completely shattered but slowly rebuilt. Not into the same people they were before—but into someone stronger, softer, and more compassionate. In the beginning, you may feel lost. But over time, that feeling can lead you to a stronger understanding of yourself and your place in the world.

Both Dr. Byars Jr. and Dr. Faust want readers to know one thing above all: You are not alone. Grief can be overwhelming. It can make you feel like you’re drifting through life without a map. But there are others who’ve walked this path—and there are tools to help you find your way. Their book isn’t just a guide to surviving grief. It’s a gentle, honest companion for the journey. Through their words, they give readers permission to feel lost—and encouragement to keep going anyway.