Enabling to Empowering: A Guide for Parents

Parenting is a journey filled with love, sacrifices, and countless decisions aimed at helping children succeed. However, for many parents of adult children, the line between supporting and enabling can blur, leading to challenges in giving independence. Dr. Arthur Ben Faust’s book, “Get Out of Mama’s House: Moving from Enabling to Empowering,” provides a clear exploration of this delicate balance, offering both biblical visions and practical strategies to help parents guide their children toward being enough for themselves.

The difference between enabling and empowering lies in the outcomes of parental actions. Enabling, though often kindly, can trap children in a cycle of dependency. It occurs when parents consistently step in to solve problems, provide financial support, or shield their children from consequences. This dynamic may create a false sense of security, leaving the child unequipped to handle life’s challenges. Empowering, however, focuses on equipping children with the tools, confidence, and resilience they need to navigate the world independently.

His work draws heavily from biblical principles, rooting its message in timeless wisdom. In Genesis 2:24, it is written: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.” This verse highlights the necessity of leaving the parental home as part of God’s design for growth and maturity. Similarly, the story of Abram in Genesis 12:1-3 emphasizes stepping out of one’s comfort zone to fulfill a greater purpose. Abram’s journey required him to leave his father’s house and trust in God’s provision, a message that connects deeply with parents facing the challenge of letting go.

For many parents, enabling behaviors come from a place of love and concern. They worry about their child’s ability to succeed, fear potential hardships, or struggle with guilt over setting boundaries. However, as Dr. Faust explains, enabling prevents growth by denying children the opportunity to develop critical life skills. By always stepping in, parents accidentally communicate a lack of confidence in their child’s ability to handle responsibilities.

Changing from enabling to empowering is not easy, but it is transformative. Empowering begins with setting healthy boundaries that encourage independence. For instance, instead of covering every expense, parents can encourage their children to contribute to household bills or find a job to support themselves. This shift teaches financial responsibility and builds a sense of accountability.

Accountability is a recurring theme in the book. Parents must allow their children to face the consequences of their actions. Protecting them from failure may seem kind, but it ultimately robs them of the lesson’s failure can teach. As Proverbs 22:6 reminds us: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” By providing guidance and trusting in the foundation they have laid, parents can support their children in becoming resilient and capable individuals.

In today’s world, the need for this message is more pressing than ever. Economic challenges, societal changes, and shifting norms have led many young adults to delay milestones such as moving out, getting married, or establishing careers. While these trends are understandable, they also create an environment where enabling behaviors can flourish. Parents may feel justified in providing prolonged support, but without clear boundaries, this can hinder the child’s growth.

In the book, he emphasizes the importance of combining practical steps with religious guidance. Parents are encouraged to trust in God’s plan for their children, just as Abram trusted in God’s promise. This trust involves surrendering the desire to control every outcome and allowing children to experience life’s uncertainties. Philippians 4:13 offers reassurance: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” With this strength, parents can embrace the role of guide rather than provider.

One story from the book recounts the journey of a family whose adult child resisted moving out, clinging to the comfort of parental support. Through consistent boundaries and open communication, the parents gradually shifted their approach, empowering their children to take responsibility for their own lives. While the process was challenging, it ultimately led to a healthier and more respectful relationship. For readers facing similar struggles, the message is clear: empowerment is an act of love. It requires patience, faith, and a willingness to endure discomfort for the sake of long-term growth. Parents must remember that their role is not to shield their children from every hardship but to prepare them to face challenges with confidence.

The journey from enabling to empowering is not just about the child; it is also transformative for the parent. By letting go of the need to control, parents can rediscover their own purpose and reclaim their lives. This shift fosters mutual respect, trust, and a deeper connection rooted in love and understanding.

As Dr. Faust beautifully states, empowering children is an act of faith. It is a proof to the trust parents place in God’s plan and the strength they believe their children possess. By embracing this journey, families can break free from cycles of dependency and step into a future marked by growth, independence, and mutual respect.